5 things Gandhi hasn't said to anyone.

Hey Ram

God keep everyone safe and well.

And then we prayed to Lord Ram with his favourite bhajan " Raghupati Raghav Rajaram".

This incident was from yesterday. It was the weekend so I went to meet him without any reason. This time he is alone in the Ashram, though he appeared charming deep down he didn't happy. We sat inside the prayer hall for a couple of minutes in silence. He said he is not feeling well, I asked him what was going on but he didn't answer me at that time and come out of the praying hall and I followed him.  He spread the mat and we both sat. Though I was looking for some tea; he was not ready to make anything. 

He started, I would like to tell you 6 things and you will not tell anyone before my death. I wouldn't, you know me but I can't guarantee that it will be always safe with me and I will reveal things unnecessarily but whenever the situation demands I will reveal and I must. You are mature enough and a free citizen you will do whatever you can. Now listen. You listen first, you will not die till the next Big Bang explosion. Whatever, listen first.

 Check out My first meeting with Gandhi ji

1. I owe an apology

When I entered India in 1915, I had decided that I will try my best for the betterment of the people but I have failed. I owe an apology to all the dreams people had seen that Gandhi would make their life better and I hadn't succeeded in that. I owe an apology to those people who got because of me by joining their parents in my movement. I owe an apology to those people who sacrificed their dreams to join me. I owe an apology to those families who got beaten and murdered by the Britishers for fulfilling my dream of Freedom India. I owe an apology to all the freedom fighters who had given their lives, they had done the exceptional thing in the  Freedom movement and I owe an apology to all those members of their family who is still fighting for the government to recognise the martyrs as a freedom fighter. I owe an apology to my children that I haven't spent much time with them and owe a big apology to Kasturba for no particular reasons but simply she was great and I missed her and specifically today I don't know but I am missing her.

Also see my first meeting with Kasturba ji

2. I have always loved the people no matter what

Some people are always doubtful of me, I have not done anything wrong then why? I never asked them why but this doubt has made me uncomfortable so many times. How big is the decision there and how much stakes there I have always prioritised the betterment of people? Not everything has a single and simple direct consequence there, I have done this or that according to the situations while prioritising the situation. I have not done anything to simply satisfy anybody's wishes. The ideology was clear from the start I can not do everything right but I have always tried my 100% to do everything 100% right but I have failed because people have some hesitancy towards me even today. I owe an apology to those people also who still think that I should have been inclined to that other decision, deep down I am still thinking I am right because that other decision couldn't make any difference. After all, when you are inclined towards a popular belief that time you compromised your morality that doesn't mean popular beliefs are always placed outside of morality boundary, but their morality always binds with sentiments which is not all the time morally correct.  I am very good with my morals and I will continue to love the people and will stick to doing what's best for them. Love all, respect all.

3. My secret experiment with a lie

This lie is hypothetical, and the incident related to this is unrealistic, I experimented with this within my imagination. This experiment was conducted without a single influence of anyone. On Independence day night, I was roaming around Kolkata and the thought came to mind that India is not Independent. What a blizzard thought, on midnight Nehru declared at Delhi and Everyone in the country celebrated the occasion but in the night I was thinking India is not Independent, India is decided this should be India. On this point, people may counter me that you are the decider of India but my counter to them is an absolute no, I am not a decider; I am a fixer. I tried my best for the people and fix the problem is many times seen as the reason for the decider. I was pretty sure the decider will create problems for the future, it certainly happened. For the simple fact, In independence, there will be no further unrest between two newly independent countries but in a decider, there will be wars and the war had happened. But these were all the thoughts that I commemorate to celebrate my lie that India has decided. But all these thoughts had never given a single goosebump when people were shouting in that morning of "Vande Mataram". The lie erased from my mind in a single glance of the Tricolour flag. I am sure India will remain independent forever but the lie 'Autocracy' won't be there.

4. A poem for my wife

This poem I had written after Independence day. One evening I was alone here and making tea, I don't know suddenly she was remembered so much. I was out of my mind. I was crying loudly that evening. I stopped crying and sat silently and after some time I wanted to write a poem dedicated to her.

"Khoobsurat ki koi sima na raha

Jab khuda ne tumhe banaya

Kitno ki man mein maayushi chhayi

Kitno ne jee bhar ke Muskuraye

Buddhon ka jawaan hona

Shayaron ka bekaraar hona

Kaviyon ka laachar hona

Sab ussi din suru hua tha

Tumhari chhote chhote per mein chalke aana

Dhire se kone mein khadi rehna

Jhuki hui muhn mein udashi

Khule hue aankhon mein paressani

Band honto pe khamoshi

Bas utna hi paryapt tha

Tumse bepannah bewajah Pyarr karne keliye"

I clapped after he finished the poem and he remained silent and smiling.

5. My speech for the 1st Republic day

Till today, I am very very fortunate that I got most of that, what I am wanted but this is one of my dreams which didn't fulfil. This speech was also written after 15th August 1947. But I have never got a chance to read that on a stage. Like my poem, I also have remembered the speech. The situation is like there are lakhs of people in front of the big stage and the stage is full of guests like Netaji Subhas Bose, Pandit Jawaharlal Nehru, Sardar Patel, Sarojini Naidu, Maulana Abul Kalam Azad, etc. Everybody before me has already given their speech. And my name is announced on Microphone and the crowd will go crazy and shout Gandhi, Gandhi, Gandhi. I will go to the lectern and show my hand to keep silent but the crowd will go crazy again and Shout Gandhi, Gandhi again and after a minute I will start and the crowd will stop. The speech is like this; 

"My beloved brothers, sisters, elders. This is the auspicious day for our country and on this day our beloved country has been declared as a Republic by the constitution. From this time there will be no one greater or no one lesser than anyone. Everybody is Indian and every Indian have equal rights on everything. The country India is a single entity now and every Individual in this entity is independent as our country. For the country, India and For every countryman and woman of the country is now Sky is not the limit only but also Mars is an option. Every Indian will dream for anything they want and do everything right for the people as also for the country. The time of us are gone, now this is the time for every Indian to step forward to the new beginning of the New India chapter. The new beginning of new thought with old knowledge Country India will achieve the unachievable by its countryman and woman. The small fight has ended but the war is awaiting us in our future, a new war also has started from today; this war is unavoidable, we will fight to survive as well as grow as individuals and our country's growth is dependent upon our growth, we have to now work like never before in human history to make our country to race with other countries. Our country should grow in all sectors be its education, health, finance or science. There is also a responsibility for us too when we will move forward, we should keep our eyes on our history and culture. We are the successors of the great Indus Valley civilization people, we will succeed in every difficult time and we will.

Jay Hind

Vande Maatram"

I stand up and saluted him and Gandhi smiled. 

He said that to me that I will not say anything about this to anyone before his death but I am unable to keep these secrets things of him. At the same time, he is still alive so I don't want to reveal the last things and hopefully, I will never reveal the last things.

stay safe and healthy

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